to live in wonderland.

to share a weekend with him. to feel at home at his home.

to fall asleep and wake up together.

to get kicked out of bed by the evil, evil sun.

to have great sex. a lot of great sex.

to go out to town, to smile a lot, to hold his hand.

to allow myself to feel. to know he's a wonderful man.

to finally feel loved.

to watch bad airplanes movies. a lot of bad airplane movies.

to eat whatever we found lying around.

to get over little petty fights.

to be very aware of the big fragile bubble we made around us.

and to not care at all.

to go back to the real world, in which he's not.

and not to crumble.

to be able to see the difference.

to know he's there. and he's, most of all, my friend.

to get a break from the overwhelming loneliness.

and go back a little better, for a little while.

that was my birthday gift.

just what I wanted.